It is going to be my 18th birthday on Sunday and on one hand I am super excited because you can legally drink in the UK at 18 and then I'm also really nervous because of the gifts...
I really don't like gifts at all in both senses of receiving and giving. Why? Well let me tell you.
The reason I don't like giving gifts is because I'm always really scared about the fact that they might not like them. I always like to please people so when they aren't happy with what I have chosen for them I always get this super weird feeling in my stomach.
I'm also a super indecisive person so actually going through the process of choosing the gift is always very stressful for me! A thought that is constantly on my mind is what other people have gotten them in case my present is either too expensive or too cheap. I hate to stand out in any way and the thought of having my gift stand out freaks me out!
Now some of you may find this weird but I hate being given gifts! I don't know why I just do! I haven't always felt like this but certainly over the past few years I have had this super awkward feeling of accepting a gift or something nice at all for example a lift home!
I have a really big family which sucks on some levels (the amount of gifts I receive) but it also has this super great side about the fact that I have so many people that support me! When my brother or sisters come up to me and ask what I want for Christmas or my birthday my immediate response is to shrug my shoulders. Partly because I don't really like asking for what I would actually want. You might find that really weird but when my Mum goes just write a list I can only think of like 1 thing that I really want and then the rest are just stupid wee things.
We live in a world where we or certainly I am very privileged and I feel pretty comfortable with everything that I own and don't really feel like I need anything else because I don't want to become super spoiled. I'm not sure if everyone feels the same as I do but that's how I feel!
Now don't get me wrong along with this weird anxious feeling I get when I have been given a gift there is also a sense of happiness because obviously the person giving you the gift cares about you because let's be honest they wouldn't go out and buy something if they weren't!!
Also I have this feeling that I don't deserve the gift that I am being given which I have now discovered is because I have ASD and it is one of the traits that comes along with it because a person with ASD struggles to understand social attributions (don't think it's the word I'm looking for but I shall role with it).
That is how I feel about gifts! Looking back on this post I have realised that it is extremely weird and I would be extremely surprised if many people actually reach the end of this post! If you feel the same about how I feel or feel in any other way please let me know in the comments!